i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
