I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
