That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
