i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You ruined the universe
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
