The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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