OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
