You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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