chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
