Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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