Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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