remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
