You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
