true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
