i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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