Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
