Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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