dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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