I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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