Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
ttyl tear gas
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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