you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
