Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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