Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
