she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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