I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
