I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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