giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
