lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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