If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
