the condom got lost in my hair
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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