I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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