Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Please don't give away my fajitas
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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