It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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