ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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