That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
