Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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