so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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