i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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