Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
