New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
