morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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