Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
