I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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