Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
