Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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