just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
