"it" just moved
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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