Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
