too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
