if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
