I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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