im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
