Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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