look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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