The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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